The Passive-Progressive

I don’t even know if it’s what I want to do anymore. It seems like I’m meant for more. I hate the people I work with, and its seldom I ever find anyone (especially doctors) without fat egos. I hate people right now. I’m so frustrated; there’s immaturity everywhere I look, and it bothers me that I can’t seem to surround myself with better people. Philosophy and love are my refuge because both require honesty, but they’re like oasises (don’t care if that’s a word or not.) in the fucked up, angry, desert of life. Part of the reason why I want to major in philosophy is just to be around people with superior reasoning; free from ego. I can’t seem to find these people in medicine, mostly stupid bitches and assholes.

Then to boot my testosterone is through the roof, so I’m like horny / homicidal all the time. I suppose it’s because I workout and I’m in love with fighting. They’re things I enjoy and don’t want to give up but when I get angry, I scare myself—and I don’t want to end up getting myself hurt or in trouble, or stomping the life out of someone.
My best friends live far: one in orange county, one in Miami, and the other works more than me. I see my girlfriend a lot and I don’t want to seem like I dump my problems on her all the time. I’m running out of people to talk to, and I don’t want to drive anyone out of my life. I’m not perfect but I consider myself an honest and good person, with a strong grasp on ethics. I try to be nice but Im constanlty feeling like I’m being taken for granted and advantage of. Maybe I have to look deeper, if there’s anything I don’t want to portray myself as, it’s a victim. I pride myself on being humble and working hard, and trying to see if there’s anything I’m doing wrong first before I point the finger, but unfortunately that hasn’t been the case lately. Where the fuck did the respectful and honest people go? If I believed in prayer, I’d be doing it right now—that’s how desperate I feel.